Oy. I just missed the first class after the holidays. Ok, I am at home with the flu and all, and I didn’t even know we had class today, but I hate not going. Maybe it’s something that grew out of years and years of guilt-instilling by parents and teachers. I can try as I want, but skipping is like being taken in for police questioning for me. It’s the fucking epitome of nerd. Forcing yourself to sit through three hours of world history is bloody trauma-inducing.
Today I can’t really be arsed, major breakthrough! Maybe because I’m not arsed about anything really. My granddad passed away a week ago, so right now, except for the heart-clenching grief, all I feel is indifference and anger. My mother has no parents now, so this very unfair feeling of ‘oh, just go fuck yourself, world’ has taken over. She had to arrange the funeral, and out of twelve siblings she was one of the few who really cared after my granddad’s wife passed away twelve years ago. It just makes me very angry, and it angers me even more when before all was over and done with, certain aunts and uncles already felt the need to ask how much money they would be inheriting (none, idiots, don’t you remember you come from a very poor background?) and asking if they could have the antique cupboard. Well, no, you can’t. Where is your fucking sense of respect? Your own father, whom you visited once a year to get your children more pocket money.
So this Monday is reserved especially for lashing out at the tv with a good dose of contemptus mundi – because seriously, what else do you do when stuck at home in your pj’s? Right. Maybe watching What Not To Wear while eating a tub of Cherry Garcia is a better idea.
Maybe I should switch tactics from being angry to just staying calm and relax. Dang, I have things to do! It’ll be busy enough in the months to come, no point in wanting to cut a bitch up whenever something annoys me. Perhaps I am like this because I like being peeved off. Not to the point of becoming a bilious old woman, but sometimes it just feels good being pissed off. Right now I’m going to direct my wrath at this french tectonic shit, though. Excuse me while I go spit bile on this heresy.
